im not sure how many of you actually suffer from anxiety but what i do know is that its more common then you think.
there is a number of times in a persons life when they will feel anxiety rush through them, however some people have to cope with this on day to day basis. Its one of the mental illnesses where the person that is dealing with it may seem ok but inside they are fighting a battle with themselves and at many occasions they feel like they are loosing.
Anxiety is an awful thing to have. whether you have it occasionally or regularly is can easily ruin your life like it has for me.
When i was younger everyone thought that i was a shy girl who didn’t like to socialise with people. in many cases that is correct however there is more to the actions that i did. I didn’t just feel shy, i felt that everyone eyes were on my body, judging my every move. i thought that if i mess up, everyone would think i was a looser or an idiot. If anyone laughed around me i always think that its about me and i start to feel small.
Due to my anxiety it made me extremely self-conscious. i would constantly worry about the clothes that i was wearing and hug my body to try and hide the fat that i thought i had. Many people would ask me why i always had my arms around my body, they asked questions like “are you cold or something?” or ” is your stomach hurting?” and with every sentence they said it always loomed over me.
If someone said something to me that i didn’t completely understand i would torture myself by thinking about it for days, i always saw the subtext behind it even though sometimes thats not what they actually meant.
Anxiety is also a reason why i hate school, when a teacher randomly picks on me, i have an instant flush, my whole body heats up and my face turns red. i start to sweat and most times i stutter. It annoys the hell out of me as i normally know the correct answer to the question asked however the words just dont come out of my mouth. Also in the cafeteria, i would always check if i have the right amount of money about 1000 times, i panic just in case i dont and at many times i actually give my friends my money so they can buy me something, not because i’m lazy but because i dont want to be in that situation.
Honestly anxiety is awful, however its a apart of me and I’ve learned how to cope with it in my own ways. If any of you need advise please dont hesitate to contact me as i will always listen no matter what the circumstance is.
Remember your Beautiful
Lmr going into the real world xoxo