Anxiety

im not sure how many of you actually suffer from anxiety but what i do know is that its more common then you think.

there is a number of times in a persons life when they will feel anxiety rush through them, however some people have to cope with this on day to day basis. Its one of the mental illnesses where the person that is dealing with it may seem ok but inside they are fighting a battle with themselves and at many occasions they feel like they are loosing.

Anxiety is an awful thing to have. whether you have it occasionally or regularly is can easily ruin your life like it has for me.

When i was younger everyone thought that i was a shy girl who didn’t like to socialise with people. in many cases that is correct however there is more to the actions that i did. I didn’t just feel shy, i felt that everyone eyes were on my body, judging my every move. i thought that if i mess up, everyone would think i was a looser or an idiot. If anyone laughed around me i always think that its about me and i start to feel small.

Due to my anxiety it made me extremely self-conscious. i would constantly worry about the clothes that i was wearing and hug my body to try and hide the fat that i thought i had. Many people would ask me why i always had my arms around my body, they asked questions like “are you cold or something?” or ” is your stomach hurting?” and with every sentence they said it always loomed over me.

If someone said something to me that i didn’t completely understand i would torture myself by thinking about it for days, i always saw the subtext behind it even though sometimes thats not what they actually meant.

Anxiety is also a reason why i hate school, when a teacher randomly picks on me, i have an instant flush, my whole body heats up and my face turns red. i start to sweat and most times i stutter. It annoys the hell out of me as i normally know the correct answer to the question asked however the words just dont come out of my mouth.  Also in the cafeteria, i would always check if i have the right amount of money about 1000 times, i panic just in case i dont and at many times i actually give my friends my money so they can buy me something, not because i’m lazy but because i dont want to be in that situation.

Honestly anxiety is awful, however its a apart of me and I’ve learned how to cope with it in my own ways. If any of you need advise please dont hesitate to contact me as i will always listen no matter what the circumstance is.

Remember your Beautiful

Lmr going into the real world xoxo

 

Crushes

Hey guys,

So school has started again … great but do you know what the worst part of it all is? i have to see my crush again. For the sake of this blog i will call him Blue eyes. He gets on my bus every morning and night 5 days a week for 25 minutes each way, yes i know that it isnt a long time but for me it feels like a century. You see before summer Blue eyes and I talked, almost every night either through text or on the bus. I had previously admitted that i liked him through someone telling him that i do, i told once he asked if it was true and ever since then he had talked to me. He started to call be pretty which i though was cute but it was him just being nice, then it came to beautiful and gorgeous. This warmed my heart greatly. And then the best of the best happened, he said he loved me and i beleved it, i thought it was true and i said it back.

However one day everything stopped, he stopped sitting next to me on the bus, then he stopped texting me, then he stopped talking to me. This broke my heart, it was like with a click of a button he didnt like me anymore. But i think the worst of all of it was 2 weeks before school. After i got off the bus he went and sat next to my friend, he told her all about how he didnt like me in that way. She told me this the next day and i literally wanted to break down and cry… i did, there i was, in a corner sobbing my eyes out infront of a few friends all because of a boy.

But thats not the end of it, no. it was the last week on school on a wednesday, all my friends were either in spain with school or on a school trip somewhere boring. i had to go around school with a certain group and you can already guess who was in that group … yep blue eyes. At first he didnt talk to me but then he talked and talked. He then did this strange thing and invite me into town at lunch with a couple of friends. I said yes (although i shouldnt of) and went with him. We were walking down an passage way in 2’s and he came up behing me and tickled me, then it turned into a hug. for the rest of the day he was with me never leaving my side.

But after summer, that same spark as before happened to him and once again he has stopped having any contact with me. Its killing me because he is all i think about and i always get bad anxiety when im around him. I just want help ;(

anyways i love you all and feel free to leave a comment down below 🙂

Lmr going into the real world xx

Hi :)

So im here writing my first blog

do you know a champain bottle? when you open it, it pops yeah well i need to pop other wise and going to explode. There is so much running through me that i need to get it out. however as the person i am im scared about saying all my problems to the real world, im just not that type of girl. so that is why im writing, it may also help all of you because you may be going through what i have been going through and i can help you with how i resolved my dilemmas. I want you all to know that your not alone. I have mad this blog anonymous because i want to me totally me. im worried that if i say who i am to all of you then i would be worried about being judged and its hard enough as it is in the “real world”.

Cheesecake (not his real name) my best friend doesnt even know that im writing this blog. i love him to bits but he doesnt get how i feel with anxiety because he doesnt have it. i wish i was him in so many ways but that is for another day

I completly get why girls are always sad and have anxiety:

  1. we always think that we have to wear make up to look pretty
  2. you are expected to act perfect all the time.
  3. we always spot the flaws in our selfs and try to hide them
  4. Hormones … not much to say on that one
  5. you have to wear exactly the right things
  6. your selfies should be “on point”
  7. You have to have loads of likes on your status or photo
  8. your supposed to fuss about boys when your dealing with yourself
  9. your expected to put on a brave face
  10. and when you do cry you just get judged and people say she just want attention.

Its not easy being a teenager so this is why im here for you

Remember your beautiful and thanks for reading

Lmr going into the real world xox