Crushes

Hey guys,

So school has started again … great but do you know what the worst part of it all is? i have to see my crush again. For the sake of this blog i will call him Blue eyes. He gets on my bus every morning and night 5 days a week for 25 minutes each way, yes i know that it isnt a long time but for me it feels like a century. You see before summer Blue eyes and I talked, almost every night either through text or on the bus. I had previously admitted that i liked him through someone telling him that i do, i told once he asked if it was true and ever since then he had talked to me. He started to call be pretty which i though was cute but it was him just being nice, then it came to beautiful and gorgeous. This warmed my heart greatly. And then the best of the best happened, he said he loved me and i beleved it, i thought it was true and i said it back.

However one day everything stopped, he stopped sitting next to me on the bus, then he stopped texting me, then he stopped talking to me. This broke my heart, it was like with a click of a button he didnt like me anymore. But i think the worst of all of it was 2 weeks before school. After i got off the bus he went and sat next to my friend, he told her all about how he didnt like me in that way. She told me this the next day and i literally wanted to break down and cry… i did, there i was, in a corner sobbing my eyes out infront of a few friends all because of a boy.

But thats not the end of it, no. it was the last week on school on a wednesday, all my friends were either in spain with school or on a school trip somewhere boring. i had to go around school with a certain group and you can already guess who was in that group … yep blue eyes. At first he didnt talk to me but then he talked and talked. He then did this strange thing and invite me into town at lunch with a couple of friends. I said yes (although i shouldnt of) and went with him. We were walking down an passage way in 2’s and he came up behing me and tickled me, then it turned into a hug. for the rest of the day he was with me never leaving my side.

But after summer, that same spark as before happened to him and once again he has stopped having any contact with me. Its killing me because he is all i think about and i always get bad anxiety when im around him. I just want help ;(

anyways i love you all and feel free to leave a comment down below 🙂

Lmr going into the real world xx

Fears

I know everyone has there own fear. something they wish never existed but i have a few, a few that have changed my life completely,

see im terrified of spiders but im pretty sure i got that from my mum. i cant even be in the same room as one! who else hates the 8 legged freaks ( sorry if you have one)

However there is a fear that not many people know, something that i have kept to myself for a long time. im scared of death. i know that in the future my time will come and i will be prepared for that but its not the fact that i know that im gonna die which scares me, its the fact of when other people die. I always seem to get close to so many people and i hate it when i go a long time period without seing them so i cant imagine what i would be like if my mum died. I had a horse called fliss. She would bring joy every time i saw her and i fell in love with her, she was apart of my family. but sadly in november 2013 she had to get put to sleep due to an injury. to this day i still havent got over her.

I respect so many people who have had a tragic loss and yet they  carry on battling through with a smile on their face. those people are my role models even if their not a celebrity.

If you guys and galls have any fears and experiences you want to share feel free to comment

remember your beautiful and thanks for reading

lmr going into the real world xoxo

ps. im writting with a cat on my lap, do you know how hard that is! so sorry for any mistakes this little kitty has caused

Hi :)

So im here writing my first blog

do you know a champain bottle? when you open it, it pops yeah well i need to pop other wise and going to explode. There is so much running through me that i need to get it out. however as the person i am im scared about saying all my problems to the real world, im just not that type of girl. so that is why im writing, it may also help all of you because you may be going through what i have been going through and i can help you with how i resolved my dilemmas. I want you all to know that your not alone. I have mad this blog anonymous because i want to me totally me. im worried that if i say who i am to all of you then i would be worried about being judged and its hard enough as it is in the “real world”.

Cheesecake (not his real name) my best friend doesnt even know that im writing this blog. i love him to bits but he doesnt get how i feel with anxiety because he doesnt have it. i wish i was him in so many ways but that is for another day

I completly get why girls are always sad and have anxiety:

  1. we always think that we have to wear make up to look pretty
  2. you are expected to act perfect all the time.
  3. we always spot the flaws in our selfs and try to hide them
  4. Hormones … not much to say on that one
  5. you have to wear exactly the right things
  6. your selfies should be “on point”
  7. You have to have loads of likes on your status or photo
  8. your supposed to fuss about boys when your dealing with yourself
  9. your expected to put on a brave face
  10. and when you do cry you just get judged and people say she just want attention.

Its not easy being a teenager so this is why im here for you

Remember your beautiful and thanks for reading

Lmr going into the real world xox